notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…Acceptance
Melody Beattie writes:
“A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.”
(The Language of Letting Go, p. 314)
She’s right. Acceptance is a powerful thing. But it’s also a concept that’s easily misunderstood.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that we agree with a feeling or a situation. It doesn’t mean we give something our blessing. We don’t simply roll over and let life hurt us.
Acceptance is not about ‘giving up’. In fact, the collapsing energy of ‘giving up’ has a very different quality to the energy of acceptance.
So what is this weird thing called acceptance?
The word acceptance has a spiritual quality (maybe even a holier-than-thou quality) that confuses and repels those of us trying to heal our trauma.
Suggesting to my clients that they simply accept their pain, their grief, their anger, their trauma and their problems would be bizarre and unkind.
So I don’t do this, of course. But what I do ask of my clients is that they courageously learn to call a spade a spade.
In other words, I gently support my clients to see and acknowledge their reality.
Because this is what acceptance is: it’s standing in our reality.
It’s being able to say “I’m so angry today,” “I’m so up and down this week,” “I’m feeling like a shit friend,” “I’m so disappointed,” “I’m afraid he doesn’t love me anymore,” “I need more support but I don’t know how to get it,” “I’m overwhelmed,” “I want to give up today,” “I don’t know what to do next,” or even “I have so much resistance to accepting my life.”
These simple statements are all examples of how we move into acceptance.
First we become aware of what’s going on for us. Then, we own it – we state it, we look at it, we even make it bigger.
Acceptance is about standing in reality and when you’ve spent a lifetime avoiding and resisting reality it’s a big change.
Try it though. Because as uncomfortable as it sounds once you get used to it it feels better, more authentic and more open than avoidance and resistance. It’s also a prerequisite to healing, change and growth.
With love,
S. x
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
