Notes on Freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
This week it’s a note on…anxiety
Anxiety is defined as a feeling of tension, unease, fear or worry about something that could happen. It’s about the future, whereas stress is a response to something happening in the here and now.
Anxiety is a normal part of the human experience. It comes and it goes, and many biological, psychological and environmental factors can affect if and when we experience it.
Our hormones greatly affect how much anxiety we experience. For example, during the seven days at the end of her cycle a woman is likely to experience much higher levels of anxiety. Likewise, testosterone is proven to protect against anxiety so as a man’s testosterone levels lower as he ages, he is more likely to experience times of high anxiety.
Seen in this light anxiety is an outcome of normal physiological hormonal fluctuations.
Understanding that anxiety is a normal part of being a human is extremely important. Particularly for those of us with childhood trauma because we are:
– Looking for evidence that there’s something ‘wrong’ with us
– Hypervigilant (and therefore searching for problems and threats).
These ensure that we respond to normal sensations in our body as if there’s a major threat.
It’s catch 22. We experience anxiety because of a hormonal change or a difficult life experience. We then subconsciously panic about the anxiety, which increases the anxiety.
We react in a way that adds to the anxiety and makes it grow bigger in our mind and body.
Also relevant here is the fact that childhood trauma typical leads to:
– Perfectionism
This means that we avoid and hide our anxiety because it doesn’t fit with our personal brand. This avoidance also increases our anxiety because hiding, pretending and masking is stressful in so many ways.
Avoidance requires us to disconnect from our body too. Which (yes, you guessed it) increases our anxiety.
It’s feasible, then, that your anxiety is not an issue. How you respond to your anxiety may well be though.
Freedom from anxiety may not look how you imagine. It doesn’t mean never feeling anxious, uneasy or worried.
Freedom from anxiety happens as we learn to ride the wave, hold ourselves through it with self-compassion and self-care, and hold it lightly.
And if, after learning to accept, be with and soothe your anxiety, it still races through your body in a way that feels too much?
Well, that’s ok too. Your body is letting you know it needs more help and support right now. It needs more tools and techniques. It needs a therapist, psychologist or a coach. It needs group support. It may even need medication.
Anti-anxiety medication taken at the right time, in the right way, can make all the difference. I’ve taken it twice in my life when I could find no reprieve from my anxiety. When I couldn’t catch my breath and I felt as if it was so intense that I could die from it.
The medication gave my body a break. It allowed me to control my breathing. It calmed things down enough for me to be able to do the trauma work that I need to do.
And when I was ready, I stopped. I didn’t move into a utopia of anxiety-less joy and bliss though.
I moved into acceptance, understanding and trust that anxiety is a normal part of the human experience.
And it always passes.
S. x
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
