notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…bottom lines
Last week I explained that relational childhood trauma, shock trauma, chronic stress and adversity lead to nervous system dysregulation.
I explained that dysregulation comes in many forms, but it always involves an overactive fight-flight-freeze response. Most often we operate within high arousal (e.g. anxiety, adrenaline, stress, reactive, impulsivity, overexcitement).
I also explained that nervous system dysregulation means that we often struggle to maintain balance within our daily routine. We cannot be consistent because our energy levels fluctuate wildly.
I’m repeating this now for two reasons:
1- Repetition is how we re-learn, re-wire, integrate new information and heal
2- Many people asked for more information and more tools
So here it is.
Nervous system dysregulation shows-up as a mix of physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms. Common signs and symptoms are:
– Hyperactivity and compulsive busyness
– Anxiety and chronic stress
– Shut-down, burnout, lethargy and depression
– Sleep issues
– Overwhelm
– Overthinking and a racing mind
– Irritability, frustration and angry outbursts
– Compulsive behaviours and ways of coping
Everything on the list is a sign that our nervous system is often sensing threat and then activating our fight-flight survival mechanism, and when it does our body and mind are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol.
In this context, maintaining balance and consistency in our daily routine, relationships, behaviour, thinking and approach to life is virtually impossible.
We can begin to feel pretty crazy and our life can begin to look pretty crazy. This overwhelming sense of imbalance and unmanageability often leads to self-blame. And this is the first thing we need to gently intervene in if we want to find freedom and heal.
You have done nothing wrong. You are not crazy. You are not lazy. You are not lacking discipline.
Next we begin to take teeny-tiny steps in the right direction and then repeat. Nervous systems heal as we move slowly and steadily in the direction we need to go. We take a gentle step towards consistency and balance.
We make a small sustainable daily change that to the untrained eye can seem like no change at all. But here, in this space, we know that sustaining this small daily change is a phenomenal achievement.
In my program I call these small daily changes our bottom lines*. Bottom lines describe the things we do (e.g. meditate for 5 minutes) or don’t do (e.g. look at my phone past 9pm) every day to keep us well.
Bottom lines ARE our daily program of recovery – we commit to them and prioritise them.
Bottom lines help us avoid moving into:
Fight-flight-freeze (e.g. stress and overwhelm)
old trauma patterns
self-destructive behaviours
disconnection/avoidance of our emotions, body and the present moment
Bottom lines give us:
A simple, clear program to stick to
Routine and consistency (because we do them every day)
More regulation (because they help our nervous system move into rest and connection)
More connection to our emotions, body and the present moment
Examples of bottom lines
I do…
Eat breakfast daily
Sit in the garden every day
Meditate or pray daily
Go to bed at the same time every night
I do not…
Search online for ways to diet
Watch TV or look at my phone past 10pm
To find freedom from inconsistency and imbalance we commit to just one simple, realistic, actionable bottom line. To help you find your first bottom line answer this question:
What small act of self-care can you make every day that will help you maintain balance and feel good/connected to yourself and the present moment?
Do not set yourself up to fail. Make it tiny. Make it kind. And do it every day. Your whole system will respond to the consistency and the self-care. And after a month of consistently upholding this bottom line, add another.
Bottom lines are so much more than a daily routine, and when they’re combined with more tools, more emotional processing, more support and more self-care we heal and transform.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
