notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…denial
Relational trauma is all about disconnection.
Disconnection from our body, from painful emotions and sensations, from the parts of ourselves we feel shame about and from distressing memories.
Our self-concept and nervous system develop with the primary aim of protecting us from pain by disconnecting us from it.
But the pain is true. We don’t think it ‘should’ be true because it’s inconvenient, upsetting and confronting.
But it’s true nonetheless.
Disconnection facilitates a permanent state of denial. We post-rationalise, dismiss, ignore and push away our feelings, our instincts, our inner knowing, our discomfort and our memories.
We survive by denying what is true for us. We become the great pretender, often without realising.
But through denial we lose so much. The joy of feeling our feelings is taken from us. The joy of knowing and accepting every single part of ourselves is taken from us. The joy of being truly known by another is taken from us. The joy of clarity and of freedom are taken from us.
Trauma, disconnection and denial are all sides of the same three-sided coin. They create and sustain each other. Begin to move out of one and we begin to separate from the others.
To find freedom we gently reconnect to what is true for us.
We look at our past and say what was true for us, not what we wish was true or what others told us was true.
We look at our feelings and we see and we speak what is true for us, rather than seeing and speaking what we wish was true or what others tell us is true.
I’m choosing my words so very carefully as I explain this. This isn’t about objective truth, it’s about coming to terms with your truth.
Open-up to what is true for you without judgement and without trying to figure out whether you’re ‘right’.
Your truth is the truth you need to learn to see, hear and accept, if you wish to find freedom.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
