notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…inconsistency
Relational trauma and nervous system dysregulation go hand in hand. Dysregulation comes in many forms, but it always involves an overactive fight-flight-freeze response.
Most often we operate within high arousal (e.g. anxiety, adrenaline, stress, reactive, impulsivity, overexcitement). ‘Switching off’ is hard, particularly because we have a subconscious biological and psychological desire to maintain the go-go-go energy. So when we do ‘stop’ we’re actually still going (e.g. scrolling on our phones, compulsively eating, picking our nails, tapping our feet). Until, eventually, we can’t keep going any longer and we collapse and burnout.
Have you ever given much thought to what consistency actually is? Consistency is all about balance and rhythm. It’s about regularity and flow – consistent, reliable, predictable.
Because the nervous system is the foundation of our entire being when it is out of synch everything feels out of synch. When it is unbalanced, we are unbalanced. When it is inconsistent, we are inconsistent.
When our nervous system only operates at full-throttle or at burnout, we too are yanked between these extreme. Finding long term balance and consistency in our daily routine, exercise, food, relationships, health or work feels painfully hard to achieve.
At times in my life I have felt deep shame about my inability to be consistent. I’ve heard many others around me voice this shame too. But, and I say this with complete conviction, we have nothing to be ashamed of.
It is not lack of will power, lack of ambition or lack of discipline that leads to inconsistency. Our bodies and minds are overwhelmed and out of balance. Not because of anything we did (or didn’t) do but because of what those around us did (or did not) do.
For you and I, freedom from inconsistency comes as we refocus on our trauma healing, for this is where the real magic happens. Freedom and consistency come as we learn to self-regulate.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
