notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…internalised support
How much support we have, or don’t have, is one of the most reliable ways to predict our trauma symptoms.
High support = lower symptoms over time
Low support = higher symptoms over time
By now, most of you will have seen my nifty little trauma equation:
Fear + overwhelm + feeling out of control = trauma
I love this equation because it is precise and true. Fear is a normal part of life. Children, in particular, easily and quickly feel afraid in response to difficult, challenging life experiences.
But now think of my equation. Fear alone cannot lead to trauma. Trauma only develops if the child also feels overwhelmed and out of control.
It is honestly that simple.
And these two things – overwhelm and feeling out of control – are determined by…drum roll…how supported we feel.
If we feel supported (seen, heard, loved) we can navigate life’s threats without moving into a traumatic reaction. But if we do not feel supported (so we feel unseen, unheard and unloved) we will react to life’s threats in a traumatic way.
This radical change of outcome happens as we subconsciously decide that we don’t have the internal or external resources needed to handle the problem. Subconsciously we do the maths and decide that, because we don’t have enough support, we can’t handle the threat we’re faced with.
Of course, right? It makes sense.
Here’s a fact that will blow your mind and illustrate what I mean. I conducted a huge national study of birth trauma. One of the main findings was that women who had strong support at home felt supported during labour even if there was no one else there with them. And these women, who felt supported (even when no one was with them), had much better birth outcomes.
Mind. Blown.
Support becomes internalised over time. I carry my people in my mind, body and soul. Even when I’m not with them, I know they’re there should I need them.
The same goes for you.
We find more and more freedom from trauma as we learn to support ourselves through re-parenting, develop a stronger and stronger support system, and as this sense of support becomes internalised over time.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
