notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…overthinking
As I’ve said many times: trauma is all about disconnection. We disconnect from ourselves, our emotions, other people and our environment to protect ourselves.
When we worry, overthink and ruminate we disconnect from our body and the world, for sure. But why do we do this?
Why do you overthink and worry? Why do you spend so much of the day in your mind? Why do you worry, plan, guess and second guess?
Maybe to stay one step ahead? Maybe it’s just the way you’re built – you’re a deep thinker? Or maybe you’ve always been quiet and withdrawn? A bit of a daydreamer? These may well be true, to an extent, of course.
But one thing I know is that your overthinking and worry help you avoid something you find deeply uncomfortable.
For many of us the thing we’re avoiding is intimacy. Of course, right? Relationships harmed us before, so why would we ‘go there’ again?
We’re also avoiding uncomfortable emotions, sensations, instincts or truths. Being in our body and in the present moment feels too much, too confronting, too uncomfortable and too out of control.
Overthinking and worry allow us to avoid all that uncomfortable, messy, out of control, too-much-ness.
But the issue is (and this really IS the issue) everything we repeat grows stronger. This is the most basic principle of neuroplasticity.
In real terms this means that two decades ago you may have had a certain amount of choice about when to think or not think, when to worry or not worry.
But now? Be honest.
Do you have any choice? Or does your overthinking and worry feel out of control? Do you have much say in whether you think and worry? Or does it feel like it’s taken on a life of its own?
Trauma IS all about disconnection. What I’m saying today is that this disconnection becomes habitual and compulsive. We compulsively disconnect to avoid things that feel too much, too uncomfortable and too out of control.
Some use alcohol, some work, some food, some exercise, some busyness. All of us use overthinking and worry.
Yes, ALL of us. I say this with complete certainty. Everyone with relational trauma compulsively overthinks and worries as a way to disconnect and avoid. Everyone.
It’s relatively easy to spot food or alcohol addiction. Addiction to our own thinking and to control is a much harder thing to see.
Freedom is found as we admit to ourselves that our overthinking and worry are no longer a choice, and that somewhere along the way we became stuck.
Freedom is found day-by-day, minute-by-minute as we lovingly notice our compulsive overthinking and worry, and then lovingly guide ourselves back to our body and the present moment.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
