notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…perfectionism
Perfectionism has very little to do with the outcome. Someone with a phenomenally messy home can be a perfectionist and someone with a ferociously tidy home can simply enjoy order.
Perfectionism is the expression of a deep need to do more and be better, and it’s deeply painful. It’s the embodied belief that I am not doing enough and I am not enough.
Perfectionist can’t create perfection because there’s no such thing. It’s a completely unattainable goal (that’s the point of the term). Perfectionists reach for goals that aren’t attainable, keep changing the goal posts and move into overwhelm because of the pressure.
Perfectionism is part of the fight-flight response. It’s a survival strategy. Our drive to ‘do better’ is accompanied by an adrenaline surge and hypervigilance, so it very often moves us into freeze and paralysis (hence the untidy home).
Perfectionism is the most common outcome of childhood trauma and C-PTSD. Every single client of mine is a perfectionist. In many ways, perfectionism and childhood trauma are the same thing.
To find freedom from childhood trauma we must consider how, when and why our perfectionism is causing us harm and moving us into freeze.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
