notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…repetition
Trauma is all about repetition. We repeat old protective reactions every time we’re triggered, right? And as we repeat the reaction the neural pathways become stronger and stronger. Meaning that these repetitive reactions become automatic and habitual.
But the repetition of trauma isn’t just about strong habitual triggered reactions. Many within the trauma field believe that we recreate and repeat the same challenges and situations in life.
The theory is that we’re subconsciously looking for resolution and release, so we recreate the same situation over and over again to give ourselves the opportunity to respond.
Interesting.
As an example of this I’ll tell you about my own daughter. If you’re part of the program you’ll already have heard this story.
When my daughter was two-years-old she badly hurt her lower lip. We were at a wedding in California so it was all very unfamiliar and overwhelming. I won’t go into the gory detail, but it wasn’t nice and she ended up needing stitches. To do these stitches three nurses held her down while the female surgeon worked on her.
She’s 7 now, and between then and now, she’s badly damaged her lower lip, upper lip and mouth, over twelve times. And I’m not just talking about minor trips and scratches – I’m talking about big traumatic accidents that have often ended up in A&E.
Can you see the repetition? It’s blindingly obvious, right? It’s also perplexing and odd. Why is it happening? Why would her body do this to her?
Because part of her is stuck in a painful moment that happened five years ago. She replays the initial trauma time and time again to try and find the resolution she wants and needs. To escape, save herself, fight back, win. To stand up off the operating table and with super-human strength throw the nurses off her, magically mend her lip and run off and cuddle her mamma.
Before I could help my daughter, I had to see the pattern. Because this pattern involves physical harm it’s relatively easy to spot. Other patterns are harder to see, but repetition of anything painful and damaging (whether it’s conflict, overreacting, people-pleasing, triggered shame, shutting-down, dissociation) are a sign of unresolved trauma. A sign your subconscious and your nervous system are stuck and in need of resolution.
Freedom is found as we consider how we can help our beautiful body and wounded younger self find resolution. Sometimes this resolution is simply about seeing, hearing and validating this part of ourselves. Sometimes we need to process (talk about, understand and acknowledge) what happened to us.
Sometimes we need a more active resolution. Maybe we need to tell someone how we feel, stand-up for ourselves or state a need. Maybe the resolution we need is standing-up and leaving.
Freedom from repetition comes as you move towards it with curiosity and self-compassion, and then give yourself the resolution you’re seeking.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
