notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…self mothering
It was Mother’s Day in the UK last weekend, which is a complicated day for many.
Whether you were celebrating someone else (with gusto or with an awkward resignation), being celebrated, grieving or avoiding the whole thing, this week’s Note invites you to reconsider the idea of mothering.
Because, no matter our history, mothering is something we can (and must) learn to give to ourselves.
Childhood trauma exists as dysregulation in our nervous system and wounding to our sense of self. Together these two create the cognitive, emotional, behavioural, relational symptoms we face today. This myriad of symptoms often distracts us from healing the root cause.
What I’ve learned from my own journey, and from witnessing others, is that healing our wounded sense of self requires us to slowly develop a new inner support system that we can rely on.
In simplistic terms we replace our inner critic with an inner loving parent. Over time we develop a new kind of internal voice – one that calms, soothes and loves us.
What starts as a new, kinder response in our minds grows into something much deeper. In time we realise that we’ve created the inner capacity to self-mother. We’re able to give ourselves what we need, love ourselves through difficult moments and fiercely remain on our own side.
Over time we have built a new inner landscape.
Please note my emphasis on the slowness of this journey. No one has ‘built a new inner landscape’ overnight. No one.
Self-compassion is the first step into re-parenting and self-mothering. So today when it gets tough and you feel the old self-criticism and self-blame rising, stay on your own side and give yourself the support and nurturing you need. And then, do it again tomorrow.
With love,
S. x
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
