notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…structure and routine
Trauma and nervous system dysregulation create imbalance in our body, our mind and our life. Certain ways of reacting, being and thinking become exaggerated and take over, and others (often the gentler, healthier ones) fall into the background.
Instead of flowing and moving between different behaviour patterns, thought patterns and emotional states, we feel imbalanced and stuck.
This stuckness is a sign that we’re in freeze (freeze is the unnerving nervous system state that defines trauma – where our foot is on the accelerator and the break).
For this reason we often struggle with consistency, structure and routine. We want to act and ‘do the right thing’ but freeze keeps us stuck. Sometimes we can mobilise our energy (we can push to complete our tasks for the day, for example) but afterwards we’re prone to burnout.
It’s worth pausing to consider your own relationship with structure and routine. Do you struggle to maintain a flexible, loving consistent routine in your life? Or perhaps you’re the other end of the scale? Do you have a strict routine that feels punishing and controlling? Either way, there’s fear in your system and in your life instead of flow.
Moving out of freeze and into flow takes time. An oh-so simple way to begin this is to look at your daily schedule and the structure of your week. Even doing this may feel too stressful and triggering. If so, gently focus on the hour in front of you.
Structure, rhythm and routine are essential to our well-being. As adults we need to create our own container. No structure, routine or plan for the day can leave us feeling anxious and out of control. Too much structure (too many hoops to jump through, too much pressure, too many things on the ‘to-do list’) can have the same effect.
Give yourself permission to re-write your daily routine and schedule. This time, make it one you can easily succeed at. This time, make it roomy (i.e. give yourself longer to do a task than you usually would). This time, make it loving and gentle. This time, schedule rest and play as well as activity and work.
Creating a loving, realistic routine and schedule is an act of deep self-care and self-love. The act itself is healing and over time it allows us to move into rhythm and flow…and this is where we heal.
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
