notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…tolerating stress
Trauma, chronic stress and nervous system dysregulation narrow our window of tolerance to life’s up and downs. This means that it often takes only a small amount of stress for us to feel overwhelmed or triggered.
Our window of tolerance is our ‘coping-with-stress-zone’ and everyone’s window of tolerance is different.
If we have a wide window of tolerance we can tolerate a lot of stress, arousal energy and intense emotion.
If we have a small window of tolerance we can handle very little stress and intense emotion before we’re unable to cope. We overreact or underreact. We’re defensive, overwhelmed, controlling or triggered.
Experiencing trauma or prolonged stress as a child means that our window of tolerance gets smaller and smaller over time. So today, as adults, it doesn’t take much to push us out of our window of tolerance and into fight-flight.
As I write in my book You’re Not Broken:
“People who live with unresolved traumatic reactions are often stress heads. It doesn’t take much for their alarm system to activate…
“The smallest to-do can trigger a huge response because emotion regulation is difficult. Living in this constant stressed-out, frazzled state is exhausting.”
It is exhausting. It is infuriating. And, sadly, it is often a source of shame. Our ‘inability’ to cope with stress becomes yet another reason for us to beat ourselves up. It becomes more proof that we’re broken, failing and incapable.
I recommend that you stop berating yourself, right now. Because what you’re experiencing is a symptom of trauma. It tells me that in the past you’ve had to cope with too much, too soon.
Self-blame, self-judgement and that awful voice inside your mind, will only serve to further narrow your window of tolerance.
You will widen your window of tolerance through self-compassion. Gentleness and self-soothing will widen your widow of tolerance. And as your window of tolerance slowly, gradually, widens, you will find freedom.
If you’ve enjoyed this note on tolerating stress and want more, subscribe here.
PLEASE SHARE if you think someone you know will benefit from reading
Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
