a note on… understanding your patterns

notes on freedom

A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.

THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…understaNDING YOUR PATTERNS

Trauma is a layered reaction that morphs and grows over time, trapping us in patterns in our mind, body, behaviours, beliefs, relationships and life.

Your traumatic reaction began when you felt simultaneously threatened, overwhelmed and out of control in response to an experience in your life.

This initial reaction set in motion changes within your nervous system and within your self-concept (e.g. your subconscious, internalised idea of who you are as a person). And these changes paved the way for the protective patterns you’re stuck in today.

Your nervous system rewired itself to protect you from more threat. A great example of this is hypervigilance. Your amygdala picks up on many more threats than someone who has not experienced trauma. And this patterns of hypervigilance will lead to other protective patterns in your mind, body, behaviour and relationships (e.g. overthinking, anxiety, compulsive behaviours)

Now, let’s consider how your self-concept has rearranged itself to protect you. A powerful example of this is how we disown the parts of ourselves we subconsciously believe are to blame for our trauma. Disconnecting from, say, your needs, your sexuality, your weakness, your assertiveness, your goofiness or your vulnerability.

This self-disconnection will lead to a myriad of other protective patterns in your mind, body, behaviours, relationships and life. Disconnecting from, say, your vulnerability, for example, is likely to lead to a painful pattern of intimacy avoidance within your relationships.

To summarise, trauma is a layered reaction. It begins as we feel simultaneously threatened, overwhelmed and out of control. In response, our nervous system and our self-concept adapt to protect us. The changes in our nervous system and self-concept lead to protective patterns in our thinking, our beliefs, our body, our behaviour, our reactions, our relationships and our life. These patterns become habitual and deeply engrained, so we think these patterns are our authentic self, but they’re not.

All (yes, all) the painful protective patterns you’re stuck in today stem from these two sources: your nervous system and your self-concept. To find freedom from trauma you need to understand your patterns, but you also need to learn how to heal your nervous system and your self-concept.

I understand that this may sound like a mammoth task, but it’s not. I advocate a step-by-step, systematic, self-led approach to healing trauma.

Take this one step at a time and you’ll find freedom.