notes on freedom
A weekly email series containing easily digestible morsels of info on relational trauma and how to find freedom from it.
THIS WEEK IT’S A NOTE ON…the dance between acceptance and change
You know the serenity prayer, right?
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
If you just baulked at the words prayer or God, bear with me.
This prayer was popularised by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and is still used by all the different 12-step addiction fellowships.
As I’ve said many times – addictive processes and trauma go hand in hand. They aren’t the same thing, but there’s huge crossover. Trauma pushes us into, and traps us in, compulsive processes (e.g. drinking alcohol, overeating, people-pleasing, shopping) designed to help us avoid painful beliefs and emotions and give us a false sense of control.
Trauma and addictive processes are not the same thing, but they’re fundamentally entwined.
This is why it’s appropriate for me to bring this prayer, that’s associated with addiction recovery, into the trauma space. It’s relevant here because trauma recovery is also a process of recognising and moving out of patterns of avoidance and control.
To heal our trauma we slowly stop avoiding. We learn to acknowledge and accept what’s real for us and acknowledge and accept what we can and cannot change. Over time we move from avoidance and control to acceptance and agency.
For millions of people the serenity prayer acts as a daily reminder to reach for more acceptance and agency. We can turn this idea into a daily practice by asking ourselves:
To bring me greater serenity and healing, what do I need to accept and what do I need to change?
Find the thing you’re avoiding and resisting – the thing that’s hiding just out of sight. See it so you can accept it. Then step into your agency – focus on what you can change to create more serenity and healing in your life.
With love,
S. x
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Sarah Woodhouse is a trauma expert, research psychologist and writer who delivers people the knowledge and tools to recognise and overcome self-defeating cycles, to achieve personal freedom and success. Please follow her on Instagram, Facebook or X for all the latest updates.
